I sat down in my closet to catch my breath. I think I was looking for something but I couldn’t remember what, but it seemed a good hiding place. Excitement and adrenaline were causing my hands to shake.
Nope. Fear was making my hands shake.
I hadn’t stopped to take it in. I sat down in my closet to consider that the dream I had been dreaming for years was finally real. Within 2 days thousands and thousands of women raised their hands, nodded their heads, deeply resonating with a longing to be a part of a story bigger than themselves.
IF:Gathering wasn’t pretend anymore.
And yet I was sitting on my closet floor in my pajamas.The 2 days were full of overwhelming support and conflict and I hadn’t quit shaking or responding long enough to decide how I felt about it. I was a raised by a risk taker, my dad is a Venture Capitalist.
Venture: to proceed despite the risk of danger
So the recollections of my childhood contain years of plenty and moments I heard whispers in the other room and wondered if it was ok to mention that I needed new jeans. I admired my Dad, he never seemed flippant or careless. He always found a way to take care of us and usually my jean purchases were in tact.
Risk always takes a willingness to lose.
And on my closet floor the pressure felt thick because no one could tell me that jumping off such a high cliff didn’t have consequences. I missed the dream of it- the dream of a thing is pure and applauded and untainted with the cold dark unknown water of something real.
The question everyone asks themselves looking before cliff jumping into the unknown deep…
What do I have to lose?
It is the rare crazy one of us that doesn’t have 1000 answers to that question. We’ve built lives full of things we strongly don’t want to lose.
One of my favorite theology professors once said, “To risk is to willingly place your life in the hand of an unseen God and an unknown future, then to watch him come through. He starts to get real when you live like that.”
Every single one of us has a risk we are either embracing or ignoring.
My Dad has lived a life of risk, and he would say he has lost more deals than he has won and yet together the sum of it all has equaled a win.
And in the spiritual realm, we don’t risk because it’s safe, we risk because God is bigger and worth the risk. And we risk knowing whatever we do for the name and sake of Christ will equal a win in the end. He is a good investment, even if it seems following him at times costs more than we gain now. So we don’t risk at random, jumping off any cliff. We risk jumping obediently where God says to jump.
On the closet floor when the adrenaline finally let my hands be still, I sensed God saying….
“I made you for the water not to gaze over cliffs. You are living Jennie. This is life with me… the abundant kind of terrifying life, the kind of life where you don’t let go of me. Let’s do this.”
Where is God calling you to risk?
What is holding you back?
What do you really have to lose?
P.S. I am so sorry I have been missing. Restless has been in edits and IF:Gathering needs a lot and my 4 kids happen to still be home for summer break.
IF:Gathering is growing behind the quiet and I love what God is building. Keep praying for it. We think it will make the whole lot of us braver and more unified. But God knows. This is His thing and we are all just doing our best to keep pace and listen and obey.
“Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it.”
Let’s lose our lives together friends.