On Jumping Scared


April 10, 2013

Recently, we launched a vision that has haunted me for over 7 years. It is an embarrassingly large preposterous vision. Only someone stupid or possessed by God would dare to dream of what we are about to do. I know you are good and curious right now… and we will fill you in soon. In the meantime- I am afraid and that must be common to other humans so let’s talk about it.

The day I was about to finally jump, I was sitting on an old red couch decorated with little brown horses, at my sister’s ranch. It was time to see if anyone else would be insane with me. I had procrastinated and we couldn’t wait any longer (My teammate and dear friend in this Lindsey Nobles was about to beat me up if I kept waiting), so I sent the texts and emails and waited.

As I stared at my phone waiting for anyone to reply, I felt myself falling fast…. I was in the frantic moment with the ground inching closer and the pull string on the chute not working andย  just stuck in the silent wait. This was years of preparation and now finally on a red couch with horses on it… I had decided to jump. Of course my head wasn’t silent….

God, is humiliation part of your will for me?

I feel alone.

Did I make this vision up in my head or was this really you?

Don’t answer that, I just sent a load of texts….

Then in the quiet just before replies began to chime back, as my public sanity hung in the balance, I closed my eyes and I prayed, asking God to hold me as years of vision crashed or took flight. This is what I knew in that moment:

Faith is the is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

I was launching something into motion out of sheer faith, an assurance that my God was real and in this. I was convicted that this vision was not tainted with self-confidence or established as a rationale solution to a problem. It was a result of foolishness or faith. And I knew which one it was. My unseen God had given us more than enough evidence to trust this was from Him and for Him.

And rather than hate how ludicrous it could all appear, I embraced it. My fear shifted to gratitude because I was tasting the surrender of free falling into more of God. Because actually I want more moments in my life…

that I’m living stupid for things unseen.

that I risk my reputation for His.

that others’ needs matters more than my comfort.

that I feel inadequate because the dream is too big to accomplish alone.

that I am so terrified that I actually pray without ceasing.

And for just that brief moment I didn’t care if He let me hit the ground. I was in. The risk felt worth it. Surrender.

Chime. The texts started coming in… and reply after reply read something like this:

“This is crazy. I am in and I think God is all over it.”

Not 1, not 3 but so far every response has read… YES. I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t the only stupid one who was hungry to see God move and it looked like with all of us united- we may just get to watch him show off. One of the crazies I texted that day was Rebekah Lyons who wrote about her freefall in the most beautiful book and it comes out this week. I am giving away two copies of Freefall to Fly today. Go order it now. It will move you and you will want to live stupid with us.

978-1-4143-7936-4

Soon we will tell you more about our crazy dream and we will ask you to join the whole lot of us- because it is no small thing.ย  We live once and then we meet God. I think we should live it banded together and running brave for things that last. I think it actually could turn out to be crazy fun too. Soon.

Tell me about a time you have felt a freefall in your life or with one word describe a place you feel afraid right now. We can all pray for each other as we jump scared. We will choose two of you to get Rebekah’s book. Thankful for kindred friends- that make us more brave. You all are in this category for me. Thank you.

*** Congratulations Misty and Shari we will send you Rebekah’s book soon! ***

151 Responses to “On Jumping Scared”

  1. Kate tokar

    Scared to death about parenting this child we’ve adopted. She is way more than we can handle on our own. Fully trust God but sometimes he seems more comfortable with waiting longer to help than what I do! Thinks look perfect from the outside to so many so it leaves us without a lot of support. But God is faithful to provide it just before I hit the ground.

  2. A program for at-risk 16-21 yr olds! Yikes! I have butterflies just typing it!

  3. Believing that God has something bigger for me, writing/speaking/growing Counseling ministry. Something I feel completely inadequate for, but feel God’s leading in that direction!

  4. Katherine Baudoin

    Taking a “free-fall” leap of faith in moving to Texas by myself to go into full time ministry there…I remember talking out loud to God in a car packed full of moving boxes, nervous and questioning: “Okay, God, I hope I heard You right on this one!”
    PS: I did ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Katherine Baudoin

        @Jennie Allen: The Woodlands, Texas! Came on staff full time as a worship leader and women’s small group leader (just led ladies through your Chase study & God spoke so deeply through it!!) at Fellowship of The Woodlands Church – Senior Pastors Kerry & Chris Shook

        • Hi Katherine,

          Welcome to The Woods! I have lived here for 16 years. I hope you are feeling settled in and welcomed. My small intimate bible study group of 6 are doing Jennie’s Chase study right now and are loving it!

          Susan

      • Daniel Farrow

        This would be my sister-in-law. She and my brother have been married more than 17 years and have been unable to have children. It breaks my heart! ๐Ÿ™

  5. Misty Keith

    Hello Jennie,

    I always enjoy reading your posts and your blog. One area that I currently feel a freefall in my life is in the waiting. In January, my husband contacted me and told me that a couple wanted to come see our house and possibly make an offer on buying it. Our house was not even on the market. Of coarse, I resisted but agreed to allow this couple to come see our home. That same day, my husband got a call from a company in Texas. They set up a phone interview for the next day. The same next day, he was hired on the spot and the couple came to see our home. The following day, the couple made an offer on our home. Within a matter of weeks were packed up, moved out and my husband was on his way to his new job in Texas. Me and my children are still here in California waiting to end the school year and then head out to Texas. I am still wondering if we heard God correctly because we are in the midst of a season of waiting. Waiting for a house (in escrow), waiting for a better job, waiting to fully move and waiting for normalcy to return to our family……Yes, I am currently in a freefall! :o)

    • Oh girl- praying you feel God with you and holding you up. Fun crazy adventure- I am sure God has good things ahead.

    • This is my favorite freefall… Africa and my African boy.

      • Thank you! I have a God feeling this will become my favorite free fall

    • WOW! I can relate. I’ve been living in the same city for the past 12 years and I am a leader in my church. In October of last year God spoke to me to move to another city (my birth city). This was after a failed marriage and feeling like a failure as a single mom. Although it will be comforting to be close to my family, change is never easy. I know God must have a bigger plan so I have to just trust Him. Great blog!

    • I am free-falling!!!! I have had a seed of a dream for years and the Lord is watering it. I see His hand orchestrating the steps though I only see the very next step ahead of me. I am voicing my dream, now, to anyone who will listen. My words being evidence of my faith . . . which I pray will speak to others to join in and help. My dream: to have safe homes for recuperation and rejuvenation, in India, Africa, and the Americas, for women and girls who have been victims of sexual exploitation. Please pray with me!

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