Everything caved in last Thursday. It’s hard to be ruined.
I am beat down- 4 weeks of speaking to a dad-gum lot of people, with Haiti in the midst, and dreaming about a future project in Nashville thrown in.
The fall out was intense enough that I wanted to run from every calling I have. I wanted shallow small things to still distract me, like they did back when I was not all ruined.
I had a weird few weeks- from Christian rockstar land to Haiti… people asking me to sign their bibles or their arm with a sharpie (I did neither) to children begging for food in tent city, Haiti.
UN freakin’ DONE.
About in tears, I called my kindred soul in this, Jen, Wednesday night after a day neck deep in the mecca of Fancy Christendom (Nashville).
We wrestled together…..
Are we ok?
Are we in our spot?
Is God for this American Christian thing we are doing?
We laughed- I cried.
Today I won’t run, we have been given favor and access to stages and books and blogs so we can gather and release our generation to….
be ruined together.
We are not here to sing and dance or make you laugh…we are not even here to teach you your Bible- though we certainly will.
We are here to grab your faces and lift them up…. up so you see God… so you remember He’s real and He built all of this and we are headed home soon. We are here to grab your hands and run with you and cheer you toward the stories He wrote for you here. We will stand on our stages and write our books or our blogs screaming that shallow small things don’t last and the things that ruin us do.
We are here to help you persevere- to remind you it’s worth it- He is worth it.
And it’s not glamorous and it’s full of angst and attack and cost…. but how could we ever ever remind you of God if we didn’t need Him so much it hurts. He is building things here with our ruined selves that may just go on forever. I don’t want to miss that.
A few weeks ago, my friend Lindsey Nobles was staying with us in Austin- Zac locked her out and at midnight when she got to our house after a Tullian Tchividjian conference… we didn’t hear our phones or the doorbell or the knocking.
She gave up and slept in my car. Lindsey Nobles slept in our car.
The morning after “the car”, after a lot of pained profuse apologies, Lindsey chuckled and said, “the conference last night before the car sleeping was entitled ‘Glorious Ruin’. I slept in your car. I suffered a little and I kind-of liked it.”
I want to chuckle at ruin. I want to kind-of like it. Because this is a glorious ruin, the kind I would never ever want to miss. We who are most ruined- are most blessed. We have shared in His sufferings… I want to give enough of myself away, I want to be ruined enough to possibly share in something with Jesus.
Is it hard to be ruined? Are you craving shallow?