Words are funny. They pop in my head as attempted descriptions for huge aspects of my life. This one is the word summing up the last few weeks of my life. I think it is perfect:
1. Twisted or coiled
2. Complicated or intricately involved
Literally, I'm giddy reading such a picturesque word!! This is me- it sums up me right now- it sums up my life right now. I am "twisted, coiled, complicated and intricately involved" to a tee. Now you may ask- convoluted- I am so sorry- can I help? I know that most folks would feel such a word and wish that feeling away. I am strangely at peace with my convolutedness.
I think it suits me.
Moving toward adoption, starting school for three kids, writing, teaching a fall study, married to a pastor who is busier than me, all makes my head feel fuzzy. And then I have days like today- alone and still and my convolutedness starts to feel like a warm blanket.
God using all of this chaos and giving peace through it- beyond my understandings. I want to live with full hands- overflowing with things that simply come from Him. If I stand back from my life- it is difficult to wrap my head around it- but daily it feels right and like God is sovereignly leading our minutes.
God is in me and it seems that all of this chaos is leading places.... leading toward right and sound places. But with God in me also comes all types of chaos that are not right. Even with God in me- my thoughts fill with fear and uncertainty and discouragement and even loneliness- even with God in me. So it is a right word don't you think... convoluted?
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
I am growing in this belief:
that I would hate to live untwisted, uncoiled, uncomplicated, uninvolved, unconcerned, unmoved, unbroken, untroubled, un-needing God. Maybe convoluted is just part of a reckless walk with an invisible God... I am going with it.