Don't you just love that word- Flop? I love words that make you feel something... four letters and everyone is uncomfortable. Memories of stinging bellies in the pool or publicly singing for the first and last time in the 6th grade. The word communicates. Today it is on my mind for some deep reason that....... maybe I will discover as I write it out.
Yesterday I spent the day in a class learning about the way I am wired, the way I view the world and move through it. I seem to dread the word flop. Actually I am terrified of it. I do not ever want to flop. I think that if I could just avoid flopping I could potentially go unnoticed with barely a splash.
But for some reason in my life- flopping with
ordinarily large splashes seems to be inevitable if I actually live the way I think God may be calling me to live. So rather than play it safe, I am walking out on some limbs in my life right now. And as I am anticipating some flops, I am feeling myself freeze. I hate that I am wired to make everyone happy with me and do my best to measure up... I mean honestly, what is the fun in actually accomplishing all of that?
So everyone is happy with me and I measure up...whoohoo.
(desperately trying to get over myself in those areas!)
So today I have two fully written and illustrated books about God sitting on my shelf because I have gotten 4, count em 4... "Love them but no's" from publishers. (There are over 100 publishers that could print these things.) I have 2 other solid book proposals in my head dying to get out but stuck because of the dad-gum word "flop."
God (the God of the whole wide world)
calling me to die to myself and do the things He has called, gifted and trained me to do.... "
any day now, Jennie would be fine."
But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
So flop or swan dive- here I am following God
weak and floppy