Kids change Everything
Yesterday I dropped my oldest son at Kanakuk Kamps. I grew up going and then worked as a counselor, and then met the Rev there in 1995.
So yesterday, I strategically and symbolically drive into Branson listening to my theme music from summer of 1995- Allison Kraus via pandora. Heart is racing, as I vividly remember thoughts I thought and feelings I felt on these roads listening to this music!
And feeling 19- as I drive in the gates to unload the trunk, I look at the cute young counselors thinking, "Hey what's up?" like we are all about to be friends and then I catch a glimpse in my side mirror of me... me with an SUV, three restless kids from that boy I met here, big sunglasses, and a soccer mom outfit (appropriate length twill shorts with a button-up shirt). And rather than the insta-friend thing... I get a "Yes- mam!"
Darn it, an old sorority t-shirt... should have gone with that today. As I walk down the hill with my anxious son- (I am slightly thinking of every position at this place that 30 and older people can fill)... but mostly my head is racing about the fact that I am about to leave my son for the first time in the hands of strangers... and I think this thought is strongly occuring to him as well. Today is not the day to talk about how that all went but I will say it involved a lot of tears, begging and prying hands away, your basic gnashing of teeth kind-of stuff... it was hard, considerably harder than I would have ever thought- on him and me (although I played it cool). But now God picks up where I left off. And I do trust, that while his tears likely lasted a little while longer than I could comfort him and while I'm not entirely sure who even was comforting him.... I just keep remembering his passionate, sincere words to Kate last week, "Fear not- God is with you!" And I deep down know that and as I reminded him of God in him as I was leaving and prying, I saw in his eyes- that he knows that too. God is with him and in him. And He will be his counselor, He will lead Him beside still waters and He will restore his soul this morning. And likely, knowing God and Kamp, He will use a few young cute counselors in the process too! And I drove off with part of my heart there- not because I love a place, like I felt at 19 driving away from Kamp, but because I love this precious person- this piece of me at Kamp in the form of a 9 year old crazy boy. Below is a shining moment before he was too concerned about me leaving....