I just left time with a dear friend- the kind of friend that makes you think. My friend questions everything that should be questioned- everything that deserves a question. And I think that most of the Christian world would tell her to not wrestle so hard with God, to not be cynical, to just trust. And yet when I listen to her wrestle with some really hard questions, about the many difficulties in her life and the plans of God.... something resonates with me. Something in me feels like I am in the presence of God- no answers, no Bible, no fancy prayer but this real, raw, vulnerable cry to God.
I think of my kids and how for me the right answers on their lips do not move me, the perfectly combed hair and put-together table manners do not move me...
but my child,
looking at me confused about the evil and suffering they just observed,
or why they did not make it when they did their absolute best,
or crying as I have to punish them and it just hurts....
I am moved
- moved to hold, to love, to restore, to comfort, to
People- QUESTION. And don't apologize. As if He can't handle our doubt or questions or hurt or disappointment. As if He wanted happy robots. We are how He made us- weak and needy... confused and complicated and in need of GOD, especially a God that we can't understand. I need a God that I CAN NOT understand. I need a God big enough to have purposes for my life that are beyond what I can see. And because He happens to be that big and purposeful, our shallow small hearts will question.
And that big God will move...
toward me- to hold, to love, to restore, to comfort, to
. And I would never trade that experience with Him for fake smiles and easy answers. Never.