The Bottom of Things

I am going to do the unthinkable and edit Tozer here. I believe this should read, “Sometimes  we are overwhelmed because we forget how BIG God is.”

Inner turmoil is often caused by our view God. Which sounds fancy and helpful, except it’s not, because we can’t just magically fix the places we don’t believe God enough or correctly.

I sat across from a friend this morning over breakfast tacos and pancakes and coffee...

I feel I have described a perfect morning... except it was a messy difficult morning. She sat over truly excellent food, challenging what I was believing about God. Because something feels off and usually is off when someone is chewing their nails and not making eye contact as they boast about all that God is doing... that was me today and my friend wanted to get to the bottom of it.

And the bottom of it was messy and vague and had something to do with a God who may smite me if I don’t do it all right. Which I know better- I read Keller and Gospel Coalition. I should know better and I actually intellectually do know better. But there it is, a wrong belief about God sitting at the bottoms of things.

And the answers aren’t simple, though my mom would just say for me to stop biting my nails. And a good bible teacher would say, “believe God.” A good counselor would say, “How did your father contribute to this view of God?”

And while all of that may make a dent...at the end of it all I just still need the warmth of God’s spirit saying, there aren’t perfectly right answers to the bottoms of things. You are a complete mess in there and I am sorting you out as you are going and even in the struggle I am showing my face to you and to others even as you struggle.

I do love my friend for making me look at the bottoms of things. It’s rainy today and a fitting day to wrestle with God.

What is at the bottoms of your things? Where are you having a hard time believing God?

Jennie AllenComment