The Power of Not Praying

Would I dare to say I cannot find time for fellowship with God? If this sin begins to appear plain to us, shall we not with deep shame cry out: 'Woe is me, for I am undone, 0 God; be merciful to me, and forgive this awful sin of prayerlessness.' Andrew Murray from The Sin and Cause of Prayerlessness

Following the beautiful (but absent of my God) journey with Elizabeth through Eat Love Pray,  I have been drawn back to filling and indulgent truth through the writings of Andrew Murray.

I am reminded of the war for my soul, the quiet, subtle and alluring current pulling me toward doubtful independence.  The indiscipline of summer doesn't help.  Waiting for things like my son from Africa or a potential publisher doesn't help.  I hate waiting.  I like running.  I like the adrenaline that comes with running. Running makes me need God more- makes me pray.

And while the joys of summer and having kids at home fill my calendar and soul up- I miss God.  I have not prayed- and then I have wondered why I feel so selfish and apathetic.

How arrogant?!  As if I am Supergirl- as if I have no need for God?

Prayer is hard. It is talking to someone invisible. And it helps to embrace the belief that, this invisible God hears me and responds.  I am not prone to talking to invisible beings.

And I think if we were all honest,   the sin of praylessness is common.  We have a hard time sitting still with ourselves.  Ourselves feel restless and cranky and dealing with God seems daunting.  But if we were asked, "Do you pray?" We would all pipe up, "of course!"  Like if someone asked us, "do you love God?".... "Of course."

But do we really all take chunks of our day and form words in our minds,hearts and mouths to an invisible God?  Do we really pray?

Or would that "of course" be referring to mealtime or tucking our kids in? Or the toss up "thank you God" as the plane lands on time and in tact? Or would that "of course" be a lie because honestly you can't remember the last time you talked to God- not about Him- to Him?

Never stop praying. 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Paul suggests that our entire life could and should be lived in belief and dependence on that invisible God.  We live in a generation that has so run from the bounds of legalism (which I applaud), but in doing so we have left behind all of the faculties designed to know and love our God.  I want to need prayer and run to it with every discipline and desire....so passionately that it was as if I were talking to God. :)

We must consider that a reason we feel so stuck, so attacked or defeated, so messed up is because we are not associated with God in any way but by title?  Perhaps we are not living in life and peace, simply because we don't believe God and so we don't seek Him for it.

This is a war- there are two sides- and while one may be about to win- they both are pretty dad-gum powerful.

"I am undone, 0 God; be merciful to me, and forgive this awful sin of prayerlessness."

Do you pray?  Talk about how you pray if you do?  And what makes prayer difficult for you?