The Upside of Broken

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Zac and I sat in the wedding of some sweet friends recently.  It was one of those weddings that when you wake up the next day, it barely seems real.  We sat overlooking the rolling hills of the Texas hill country, overlooking the sun setting behind horses.

And we sang.  We sang one of my favorite songs, "Come thy fount."  I was moved- my eyes were closed and I was drinking in every word of that beloved hymn.... and then these words came out of my mouth... for that matter out of all of our mouths.

Bind my wandering heart to Thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love;

My heart felt heavy as I considered these words.  First let me say, I believe that once the hand of the Lord saves, He is not fickle.  My future with Him is forever secure.

But my heart is fickle!  My heart is still "prone."  Prone to love people more than God, prone to look for my significance apart from Him, prone to want to build comfort and security now and here.  I went on pondering these words as Zac and I vacationed this last week.

On vacation I found myself watching a large fountain... the fountain would shoot water up into the air pretty far- like it was not ever going to come down.  But of course it did come down and it fell into a pool on the ground.  The water, because of gravity, was prone to fall.

I know everyone reading this, just thinks I am flat crazy that I think about fountains and words like "prone" for obsessive amounts of time.  But bear with me.

My heart has felt the highs of the presence of God and the lows of His absence.  I have had many a person look at me and ask me, "Why can't I feel God or remain close to Him?"

We are still stuck on this planet, with limited understanding and only a small taste of what it means to be with God, and with a heart that is redeemed but still broken and still prone to wander.  And this reality should be so clear to us that we cling.

We cling to God.

Our brokenness should keep us:

humble.

confessing.

never the judge- always the student.

needing God.

needing the help of others- the same way others need our help.

giving life and freedom, not taking life and freedom from the lives of others.

giving grace out as lavishly as it has been given to us.

expecting people to fail us and loving them anyway.

I am prone to wander.  Anything... Anything good from me, in me, about me comes from Him.  So expect me to disappoint... I do it all the time.  I am prone.  But meet my God- He loved me anyway.  He is something to go crazy over.  He is prone to different things... He is prone to save, prone to save a wretch like me.

Tell me I am not alone.  Do you feel prone to fall?

How is God using that in your life?