When Obedience Costs Something

I have been working lately, trying to reconstruct and complete Stuck, so that these churches can use it.  Writing is excruciating- oh and I am terrified it is not going to get easier.  I have been working for days minus every extended break I can justify and my heart physically hurts in my chest- Like it might explode if I keep punching letters out.  I think it might explode. I love to write but I hate it too.  I hate it today.  I have this deadline and the impossible desire to communicate like Anne Lamott and summer pressing in on me with its seductive little sno cones and pools and play dates.

And then I see God beckoning me to dig deeper.  And oh how I want to please Him in all of this.  No pressure really!  Please the God of the universe, write life changing words, and of course make the deadline.

You are here God.  You are here.  Your Spirit is in me and you have equipped me for every good work that you planned for me before there was time.  I need you.  I need you.  I need you.

Don't make this easier if I'll not need you.  Don't use it for anything- unless it makes you bigger.  Don't let this become about me.  Do your will, write your words, change with your Spirit, for your glory and kingdom and name's sake.

Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple.Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn't first sit down and figure the cost so you'll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you're going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: 'He started something he couldn't finish.

Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be my disciple. Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple.   Luke 14:27-33 The Message

Back to it.  Welcome your prayers!

A quick update:

We are waiting.  We are waiting to hear from publishers.  We are waiting to hear from Africa.  We are longing for our son.  Waiting is a discipline and I am getting to practice so much- I think I am getting better at it.  :)  Love to you on this summer day!