When you want to punch.....
“Your baby is beautiful. But.......”
He replayed that dark moment... John glanced over at Kristin, his wife. I was sure they were both about to collapse crying and instead they smiled at each other. The night was bright and we all stood under lights outside the hospital, as if nothing profound was happening.
John and Kristin are new friends but they already feel like old friends. The last few months held a string of unconnected events that led them here, beginning with little Issac’s birth. They reminisced with us about the moment the doctor came in and said dreaded words....``
“Your baby is beautiful but.... there are signs that some things are wrong.”
Then Isaac’s dad joked inappropriately...
“Your baby is beautiful. But.... you’re going to need a van with a lift.”
Side note: you get to say whatever the heck you want if your baby is in ICU- people.
We stood under the lights of a building that held their son's uncertain future... but we all began to awkwardly laugh about things that weren’t funny.
Things that only feel small if you believe in forever.
And together we watched as two people smiled and swallowed the understanding that sometimes God dishes out the hard right beside the good.
I will never forget that night. Watching two people suffer and laugh and hug and want God- even though He wasn’t looking very heroic to us.
Occasionally my God is so real to me I feel like I can taste him but under hospital lights with my child’s life and future hanging and swaying... I feel sure I would crumble?We all lean in to watch as friends face the very darkest nights outside of hospitals and we wonder how we would ever face similar fears.... but I saw something that night.
God holds your heart up.
Isaac is recovering... likely no need for van lifts but that day they didn’t know and I love the beauty of our steadfast God in the moments we all kind-of want to punch Him. He stands holding us all up while this world and all that is in it crumbles around us. I want God more because I saw His strength to hold up when your worst fears are real.
When have you seen God hold up your heart or someone close to you?