From Loneliness to Vulnerability with Sadie Robertson Huff
It is the mercy of God to lose everything on earth and to see that God is enough. It is also the mercy of God to get everything this world has to offer and understand that it's not what you're really looking for.
Sadie Robertson talks about her journey through loneliness with fame and millions of followers on social media, and finding a solution in Jesus, overcoming the need to scroll, learning vulnerability, and building meaningful connections.
Sadie: I want to take this Biblical perspective on social media; what would Jesus say? In current times, how do we still seek wisdom through social media? How do we do it right? How do we do it without it costing us who we are? How can it bring fruits and become part of our calling and a part of our purpose?
Topics that have to do with social media are so relatable to the things that Jesus went through and the words that Jesus says are just like honey over all of it.
“We follow people all day long.
Yet Jesus said: follow Me first.”
- Sadie Robertson Huff
Interestingly, today we cannot talk about connection without talking about technology. When you look back throughout history, you see that loneliness was not as much of a problem. But in our generation, even pre-quarantine 3 out of 5 people said they were lonely.
We have a massive problem of loneliness yet we are more connected than we've ever been.
We're not happy.
How come we are so lonely even though we're more connected than we've ever been?
Sadie: The reason why we're so connected but we're the loneliest generation is because a lot of us are not honest; we're not living authentic lives. We have all these people around us but they don't know us, how could they love us the way that we need to be loved and in a relationship?
I've had moments in my life where I have a huge following on social media. I have friends in real life and I have a husband yet I felt lonely.
IN THESE MOMENTS WE ASK OURSELVES:
Why am I feeling lonely right now?
What is this feeling of loneliness even though I have all these
people around me?
Genuinely, it could be that I’m not being honest and open with my people. They think they know me, but I know something that they don't know that I'm holding back. So how could they know me?
Social media has created a situation where you're seen by so many people, but you're not known by them.
“Being seen and not known distances you from actually being able to be in a relationship with people.”
- Sadie Robertson Huff
In my relationship with my friends or my husband, if I'm choosing to not share the things that I'm going through, that are hurting me or that I’m excited about, then I can have that tendency to feel lonely.
The Conundrum of Fame versus
Being in Connection and Community
Sadie: Dancing With The Stars, was one of the biggest moments of my life. The spotlight fell directly on me over 11 weeks on a hit TV show with 15 million people watching every week. I had gained a million followers in a month.
I was 17 and a junior in high school and when I went back from Los Angeles to Louisiana, I remember this girl came up to me and she said: “Hey, no one wants to hear about it. So don't talk about it.” I don't remember anyone at school ever asking me how it was or saying ‘you did well’.
I get back and I noticed the lunch table that I always sat at with one of my best friends. They had squished in and all the seats were taken. They were like: “Sorry, you've been gone so there’s no room here anymore”. I felt so lonely, isolated, and broken.
“It's so interesting because that is the time when I had all these followers, fame, and excitement. It was one of the loneliest times in my whole life.” - Sadie Robertson Huff
I kept asking: ‘Who am I? What am I going to do? God, why did you do this?’
I was mad at God.
I was like: ‘Why did you do this to me, you put me in this position?’
To that point of loneliness, no one knew what I was going through. Everyone assumed that I was wrapped in this fame; that I was so happy and excited. In reality, I was so lonely. I was struggling. I started getting asked to speak in places and I felt like such a hypocrite. How could I go and be this positive role model when I was struggling?
It was during that time that I made a YouTube video; our first YouTube video ever. It was the most real authentic video I could have ever made. I had just gotten out of the shower, had pajamas on, and was just talking to the camera about how this is what people see me as but in reality, I'm struggling like everyone else. I talked about how man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
The YouTube video ended up getting about 2 million views very fast. It got to the point that ‘Good Morning America’ had me on to talk about this very authentic video and about living original. That led me into walking a little bit more into the ministry side of things; into posting encouraging videos on YouTube.
At that moment, I didn't feel like I was known by anyone. So I made a video to tell people everything about who I am. In this video, I said this is what I struggle with. I struggle with jealousy and control. I feel lonely… I said everything.
When I said it, it was like a breakthrough that led me into what I'm doing today. That’s the perfect example of what it looks like when you press past that feeling of loneliness and allow yourself to be known.
I've had those moments where I've legitimately had reason to feel lonely. But even in those moments, you can break past that and choose to not sit in that and build community. It might be a new community, but you need people to know where you're at.
Who are you following?
What are you chasing?
Sadie: Are you following fame?
Are you following people to get you to a certain lifestyle?
Are you following a platform?
Are you following these things thinking in your mind that if you get that then you'll be happy?
As someone who's been there, I can tell you they won't do it for you.
“However, if you're following Jesus, no matter where the journey takes you, no matter what life brings you, no matter what platform you ever have, how many followers you have, how much money you ever had, you will be satisfied, because that's truly what your soul is designed for.”
- Sadie Robertson Huff
When I was young, my family started taking me out of the country to different places, and I got to see the world bigger than my own little world.
I would go to Dominican Republic, Haiti, Guatemala, Uganda, or all these different places where people had nothing but were so joyful.
They were filled with so much love and they were so compassionate.
Then I continued to travel. When I became famous, there were several times I would fly straight from there to LA to do some red carpet event. I would fly from these places where people had nothing to these places where people had the most extravagant lifestyle. I went from seeing people who had nothing but had everything that mattered in life, to seeing people who had everything but were missing those important things like love, freedom, joy, and all the fruits of the Spirit.
Seeing that contrast, I realized you can have everything; walk the red carpet, be in a fancy dress, have the perfect body but you can feel so lonely, and unloved. I saw that and I knew that life cannot fill me with the soul cravings that I have. Some of the biggest moments in my life where you would think I have it all had been the worst.
There's nothing wrong with having an extravagant lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with having a lifestyle that has very little.
The important thing about both is that
you have Jesus.
Whether you have nothing or you have everything, it doesn't matter because nothing holds value except for the value of the things that Jesus can be.
It took this pressure off me. God is not calling me to live this famous lifestyle. He's calling me to be a light in the darkness; to be a sister and a friend of those who doesn't have one. God was calling me to something that is the very nature of who I am and affirming who I am.
Friendship in the real world:
how do you go deeper?
Sadie: Whenever I moved to Nashville, friendships just came very easily. I had friends; I'm so thankful for them, and they'll be with me forever. Then when I moved back to Louisiana, it was so hard to build community or make friends.
“I realized I have to be honest, real, and vulnerable to create real relationships.”
- Sadie Robertson Huff
I was trying to make friends so I started a Bible study at my house that I had on Saturday mornings and invited a bunch of girls. It was so fun. We had Bible study for about two months without breaking through into a real friendship.
We had this study and I realized I have not shared with any of them the season of life I was going through.
Sometimes you want people to think that you have it all together and that your life is better than it seems.
The reality was, I just had a baby. I was feeling stressed and overwhelmed.
Finally, one day I was like: “I am struggling. I’m still figuring out this postpartum thing. I'm trying to figure out how to be a mom and try to figure out how to work at the same time.”
It was awesome because that day I felt this breakthrough. Every one of them laid their hands on me and prayed over me. I felt loved, known, and seen. Over the past few months, we've grown so much in our relationship. It opened up such a doorway to great friendships.
Bottom-line: Take Time off Social Media
If you're out there struggling, do the awkward.
Bible studies are a great way to start, but you can also go watch a movie, have fun hanging out and build community. Building community is a hard process, but anything you build is going to be a little bit hard and that's okay.
You're not alone. We all feel this way when we are trying to deepen community and build it around us. There's no getting around 'awkward' to finding your people. You just have to go through it.
The scrolling can become very numbing. It can become a way to use the time that needs to be used somewhere else. When I'm avoiding something, I'll scroll because when I scroll I don’t have to think about anything. I look at other people's lives.
You're not alone in that
but you don't have to live like that.
Rest and take a break; delete the app. Delete social media for maybe three nights or a week. Take some time, be with the Lord. Pray through some of those things that you're struggling with. If it takes a day, let it be a day. If it takes a month, let it be a month. I've had friends it took a whole year. It will be worth it for the rest of your life.
Then when you go back to social media, you'll be able to pour out the fruit that's within you; you'll be the light in the darkness.”
