I grew up in a home with people who love God. My mom and dad taught me about Jesus. My dad was even an elder at a local church. I followed Jesus all those years. However, it wasn’t until I watched a depiction of the crucifixion of Jesus at a summer camp that I got saved. I gave my life to Jesus that night.

Everything changed, and I wanted to talk about God all of a sudden. Even throughout my 20s, I tried to do everything right. I tried to follow Jesus. I tried to give my life to Him. And yet, I was plagued with anxiety. My mind raced all the time trying to grab a place in people's lives. I was looking for meaning, purpose, and whatever else could fill my soul.

I was chasing the wind, and I couldn't catch it. I knew it, but I did not know what I was doing wrong. I loved God, trusted Him as my Savior, and did my best to obey Him. I thought loving and obeying God would lead to the abundant life He promised us. So, why was I not living that abundant life?

Matthew 16 says whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for the sake of Jesus will find it.

We are looking to find our lives. We are looking for what it means to have an abundant life. We are chasing it and we are not catching it. And that did not only happen in my 20s. That can still happen in my heart today.

Scripture tells us that we're going to find our life by losing our life. Many of us don't know how to do it. But God holds our hand through it all. Losing your life means abandoning, leaving completely, and forsaking utterly. It means giving up control and yielding without restraint. It means surrendering entirely. There’s no in-between. Losing your life for the sake of Jesus is all-or-nothing.

You lose your life when you follow God. This is the normative way a Christian is to interact with God. But somehow, I missed this in my 20s. Instead, I lived for approval and tried to work it all out.

 I came across the blog of Katie Davis, and she had surrendered her life to God. God had called her to the mission field in Uganda, and she was taking in girls off the street. She ended up adopting many girls into her life, and she was only 22. I wanted that kind of surrender.

I wanted to walk away from the comfort of my life and follow God. I did not know what that meant, but that night, I told God I was letting go of whatever I was holding onto. I told God I’d do and give up anything He wanted me to. The conviction came immediately.

I realized the number of times I had made a choice, not based on God's word but on a fear of people. I realized how many times I willed something into being so I could be comfortable rather than obedient. I had lived for the invisible thoughts of people rather than the will of God throughout my 20s. I tried to control my gifts so that people would like and accept me.

God began to speak those things to me, and it was not what I wanted. It would have been easier to go across the ocean than give up the small idols in my heart. But I got up the following day and asked God what He wanted me to do. A text came in saying someone was leaving our church because of me. My husband was the pastor at the time. Before that day, my heart would have spun out. I would have been plagued with anxiety for a week. I would have rushed to try to fix the problem, and I would have worried about my reputation. But I was okay.

We often think God wants us to give up our lives and kill the idols of our hearts to live for Him. We think He wants us to give all this up so we can be important in the kingdom of God. But God wants to set you free.

God wants your heart.

The things you want more than God are bondage, and He wants to set you free. I often wondered why I was always anxious in my 20s. But after I let go, I got to watch God show up and move in mighty ways in my life.

Many of us don’t surrender because we don't know who we're dealing with. We don't know if we trust this supernatural God. We don't know if He’ll give us what we want if we let go. But Jesus told His disciples to leave everything and follow Him either way, and they did.

The disciples didn't worry about what their families would think. They did not try to question Jesus, make bargains, or ask for guarantees of abundance. They left everything and followed Him. One of the reasons we don't surrender is we don't know who's going to catch us.

Give up control of everything because nothing sets you free like letting go. Your desires don't have to change. We all want purpose, emotional wellness, stability, freedom from sin, financial security, fellowship, friendship, impact, and peace in our lives. God is not mad at you for wanting those good things.
When I finally let everything go, the Lord began to show up in ways I never could’ve imagined. I’ve watched God lead so many parts of my life since. Surrendering changed everything about my life. The joy I have doing the things I want to do and the things God wants me to do is indescribable.

We are part of an ongoing story. I know that surrender is a hard sell. It was a hard sell for me that night, but I knew I wanted God more. If heaven is real, then I don't want to miss whatever He has for me. I want to get there, and I want to have done the good work God prepared for me. I don't want to miss anything.

The day I laid everything down, I promised to follow God no matter what. He does not promise us a smooth ride. There will be a lot of trouble. But He says we must take heart because He has overcome the world. There is a story we get to be part of. It's easier to not worry about the day-to-day challenges because I have learned that everything here is fleeting.

Jesus promises that we will receive all we lost for His sake a hundred times over. He says we will inherit eternal life. This is the story of God, and it will be worth it one day. Jesus knows the things you want. He's not saying “no” to them. He's saying you should give Him everything so He can heal you from the anxiety you feel every day trying to hold on to it all.

He gives you hope that crushes the despair, disappointment, and abuse you have endured. He gives you freedom in return. Jesus will give you a better life. You will notice the presence and conviction of the Holy Spirit in your life.

It’s the hope and security that you can have God no matter what goes wrong in your life.

You let go, and wild things start to happen. Surrender has cost us things and has scared us on certain days. There have been days when I feel like I lose more than I gain. There are times when I am weeping and wondering, why did we do that? But God reminds us that He has a plan for us, and it is good.

We are going to do amazing things in the meantime, but it won't always be the way you thought it would go. Nothing about my life is the way I expected. Yet, I wouldn't trade it for anything because God builds good stories. If you knew what God had for you, you would want it.

We’re just passing through the world, and how we do it is the simplest thing – let go. When all those desires come back, let go. When your world crumbles because your child gets a scary diagnosis, let go again. When you lose everything you thought you needed, continue to let go because you have God with you in the midst of it all.

You will receive what He has for you, even if it's not what you would have picked. You receive it because you want Him and what He has for you more than anything. Whatever you’re holding onto is a lot more work than it’s worth. So, pray that the Holy Spirit would make it clear to you. And once you’ve found it, let go.